I think I have decided at least for now that the hardest thing about being a parent is looking back. Like today, I was thinking of my children and the events of yesterday evening, I fussed at Andrew for a couple things (although well deserved) I now look back and think I wish I could have spoken softer or chosen different words or...... I want so badly to be everything perfect for my children and my wife, but it seems that God constantly shows me that He is the only one that will ever be perfect for them.
I wonder sometimes if the way I discipline my kids now will actually do more harm to them when they are older then good? I totally believe in discipline, I got it growing up and I figure if my booty had to suffer spankings then so do my children's. Besides the fact that I think it is a Biblical thing too :)
So when I think of the words "Dad I want to be like you when I grow up" sometimes I get nervous and wonder exactly which part of me he wants to be like, cause they never seem to explain to you which event in life made them stop and think "I want to be like Dad". I start recounting all the things we have done all the wrong ways I chose to discipline, etc. One of the only things that gives me comfort is usually God will show me that although I am not perfect and will not be perfect to anyone, when it comes to my kids and my wife I do love them. And it's a love that nobody else can mimic except of course for God, but I think he loves them much more then I ever could, but at least I know while here on earth; there is nobody else that loves them as much as I do.
1 comment:
It's interesting to think about how our children will look back on us, and to imagine how they will remember us and all the stupid things we did.
Of course, if we could be "perfect" we'd essentially take away their need for God...just like the rest of the world, we are contributing to their deficiency - strange to think about, but ultimately they will be more incomplete because of us, but in a good way. We'll do our best, but they will realize that we could have done better (which is true of every parent) and will seek in God those things we were unable to adequately provide.
Regret sucks though...worst thing in the world if you ask me. The thing about regret is that you can't do anything about it...whatever you regret doing is already done and cannot be undone.
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